Welcome to week one of your break-up. This is an intense time, and a vital one. There are things that you can do during this period to give yourself extra support that may have a huge impact on your overall break-up experience, success, and healing journey. I’m a firm believer in being overly mindful right now and intentional about your self-care and to not try to gloss over what is happening in you life.
Because break-ups are so destabilizing, it’s often hard to know what to do with yourself (other than trashy reality tv and your pjs, of course). Take the guessing game out of a week that is already difficult enough with my top week one tips.
1. NOOOOOOO contact
This is my number one tip for break-ups and the one I find people have the most resistance to. It’s also the most powerful way to make sure that you come out of this break-up stronger than you went into it with, so it’s at the top of my week one list.
I say to give it at least full two calendar months of absolutely no contact. You each need time and space from each other to heal and create routines of your own. Ask your ex for the no contact period and proceed to delete and block his/her number, ignore the texts and emails, and set up a buddy plan with a bestie in the case that you decide you’ve absolutely got to reach out or answer them. In a couple months you’ll be glad you did it.
2. Allow grief – cry every day if you need to
You’ve got a window of time after your break-up when the emotions are super close to the surface and you may find yourself wanting to cry or unleash on the people around you. This is often because we tend to allow ourselves a very short window of time to grieve after a relationship has ended, or we don’t allow ourselves a really proper let-it-all-out, get-really-messy grieving process. I don’t know about you, but when I neglect to really recognize and deal with my true feelings after a crisis they often resurface later, and not in a healthy way. Whether it’s tears, or anger, or frustration, I urge you to find a way to really sink into your feelings and let them work themselves out for the next few weeks. There are various ways to do this. Find what works for you and then allow time in each and every day for their grieving process.
3. It’s okay to indulge
The heart has a mind of its own and as strong of a person as you might be, it is super hard to predict how it is going to react to the loss of a partner. Therefore, it is important to be non-judgemental and to give it all the care it needs, especially during the initial few weeks of a break-up (insert photo of a cute love heart wrapped in a baby blanket being rocked to sleep). It’s also survival-mode time right now and you will be well served to spoil yourself rotten, so as to give yourself a chance to see how capable you are of doing this yourself. If you are experiencing a broken heart I welcome you to take 2-3 weeks to do all the things that come to mind that feel good. Whether it be red wine and burgers for dinner or Judge Judy on a Tuesday afternoon, just go with it.
4. Keep people around you
This is a hard one for some people, myself included. When having friends around after a break-up it sometimes feels like you either end up talking about the break-up and boring everyone to death or that those around you ask you about it and force you to face the ickiness of what you’re going through. UGH – it might feel better to get in bed with your laptop and Cheetos. If you can figure out a way to still socialize during this time, please do it. Isolating and being alone are the best ways to weaken your resolve and to allow temptation to text the ex come crawling in, especially if this time alone involves alcohol or tears.
5. Clear out your space
Get out a box, a trash bag, a fire pit, or all of the above and get rid of anything in your living area that reminds you of your ex. Do it now. Not only can this be very therapeutic, it’s going to help you in every other aspect of the the break-up journey. You are going to be much less likely to say, make the late-night text if you’re not looking at last year’s Christmas cards from their family, wearing jewellery he/she gave you, or walking past the photos of the two of you on your favorite vacation. Personally I think that in general, a lot of things can be thrown away, but if you’re not there yet, at least gather everything up and chuck it under the bed, even better yet in storage, and even better yet, at a friend’s place.
6. Say NO to social media
This is one of the most vital actions to take and is probably the hardest things for most people that I work with to commit to. However, it’s super fundamental so I’m going to keep putting it out there. I recommend deactivating your Facebook account for a few weeks (gasp!). Yup, no social media is that important. If you don’t want to go that far, PLEASE, at the very least block your ex from ALL of your accounts and ask your friends to go ahead and refrain from mentioning what they see to you. And remember, so-called “Facebook stalking” leads to nothing that is going to help you during your break-up.
7. Walk it out
Both movement and being outdoors are incredibly theraputic during times of stress and grief, so getting on your feet for some nice walks outside is something I recommend to anyone going through a break-up.
Being outside helps to get you out of your head, and exercise helps to release endorphins, both vital aspects for getting through your break-up.
Hear me out. I’m still figuring out all of the reasons, and I won’t list them here, but doing a proper spring clean after a proper break-up gets a girl super pumped up. From moving the bod to clearing out your ex from your space to simply sprucing your home up and getting your groove back, it just works! Something fun to add to this ritual is to get your booty to Target and purchase a few new cleaning supplies. Think hot pink rubber gloves, pretty smelling natural cleaning sprays, and some linen spray for your sheets. Then, wait for the mood to catch you and let your domestic goddess take over.
Want to chat one-on-one about your break-up? Contact me here to tell me what’s going on for you and to hear about my coaching support.